SATIRE: Faisal Vawda removed from scene after his bike breaks security cordon

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ISLAMABAD: Federal Minister for Water Resources Faisal Vawda removed from a sensitive area after his bike broke through a security cordon, on Wednesday.

News broke on several TV channels that the federal minister was removed from an area where a security operation was about to take place. His bike apparently broke through the security cordon.

Militants had entered the restricted area and held several people hostage. Vawda trespassed into the area where security forces were discussing an operational strategy to root out militants.

“All right, I’ve brought guns and bullets to the table,” said Vawda, surprising everyone in the room as he barged in, carrying his licensed pistol and a cartridge full of bullets. He slammed the gun down on the table and chuckled,’Get it? ‘Brought to the table’.

The security officers in the room were puzzled.

“Sir, are you cleared to take part in this discussion?” asked a concerned official, clearly the commander of the security forces.

“I’m a federal minister. I’ve ridden heavy bikes with protocol. Who says I can’t handle a few militants?” said Vawda. The security officials are wide-eyed.

“So anyways, here’s the deal,” says Vawda, unfazed by the awkward silence and rising discomfort in the room. “I go in and I take them all out. How does that sound?”

“Really? And how do you plan on doing that, sir?” asks the commander, clearly frustrated.

Vawda gets a hold of a laptop and pops in a USB. He plays a video and turns the laptop’s screen towards the security officers. They gather round. This video plays.

“John W–” says the commander before he is interrupted by Vawda.

“John Wick. Exactly. Our game plan,” he says, looking at the faces of the officials one by one for approval. They give none.

“Sir, I think you should leave. Right now. There are hostages at stake here,” says the commander, putting a rather firm hand on Vawda’s shoulder.

“Vawda gently removes the commander’s hand from his shoulder.

“Do not restrain me further or this happens,” he says, once again pointing to the laptop.

“All right, out you go,” says the commander, motioning to two officials to throw Vawda out.

“Now hold on. Wait just a minute. I can boost your morale, guys, before you head in,” says Vawda, taking out an Indian flag from his bag. “I can put this beneath my heel and bash our enemies.”

The federal minister is removed from the scene. Hours later, he tweets about the episode.

NOTE: This is a satire piece! None of it is true but we decided to write one anyway to tickle your funny bone. Give us some feedback in the comments section!

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